So here we go. I hope you won't judge me if my grammar is off, I am just writing things down as they come to my head. I want to put this all down as a motivator for me to finally make this dream happen. I am putting this out there because I find that if I am the only one to know my struggle, I just keep it in and that makes it worse. So I turn to you...I put my path out there so that I can in some way I have to answer to you when I fall of the wagon.

So what is the issue? I AM FAT! How did i get here.

I can probably give you a sob story (and I will) but ultimately I did this to myself. As a kid, I ate tons of Mexican food. I couldn't help it, my mom was a good cook. I don't really remember being overweight as a kid, but I sure do remember kids telling me I was. Then came 8th grade, when something happen and I actually lost weight! That was short lived because as soon as I got to high school, Fat Churt was the term. I don't think this was done is a mean way, the way some bullying is done, but I think I let it get in my head. I believed I was fat.

College rolled around and there is where it really all went down hill. I found a picture of myself and I can't believe that I was actually not fat. But I kept believing that I was. Sophomore year was when I layer on the pounds. I didn't put on the freshman 15, but it felt like I did sophomore 60. Yes that is an exaggeration, but I did put on some pounds. Senior year was worse. With the stress of actually needing to finish college, food is the only thing that was always there for me. Not to mention my mom would always volunteer to bring home ice cream and french fries after BINGO.

There was no room for rest after that, grad school could not let undergraduate beat it. I kept ballooning, but at a slightly smaller pace. By the time I knew it, all the thinking that I was fat...had become true. I now was really overweight.

Those of you who know me, know the struggle with my parent's health. My dad had a stroke and my mom had breast cancer. How did I deal with this after school...food! To make a really long story short, before I knew it, I got to where I am know...240!

I think back to the one thing that started to make a difference...Jenny Craig. But can you believe I got kicked out! I have a problem with my balance and all the salt in their prepared meals was doing a number on me so I had to get out. In the three weeks I was on the program, I had lost 15 pounds, but out I went.

Talk about feeling like a loser.

I went to the doctor's office (new doctor) and we had a long talk about my weight. He was really nice and shared he struggled with the same problem. There was something he said that really made me decide I have to make a change.

"Do you want someone else to raise your children?"

I know the greatest gift I have is my kids. I need to be there for them. There came a point when I decided to stop blaming God for having lost my parents and I blamed the diseases that took them. I can't put my kids through the same. If I don't make a change, it is my own fault for not making the change. I would have done it to myself.

So here I am. I am putting my struggle out there. I am going to let anyone who cares know about my progress and I ask you to challenge me to stick with it.

My Goal: to be down to 180 by age 40

Let's get going!