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Hello Strangers,

I apologize for not writing anything sooner. Thank you Fay for reminding me every Monday that I have not written anything. The truth is that I was at a poin

t where nothing was happening. When writing notes for my patients, I always have a lot to say when something happens that changes how well the person is doing. When nothing or almost nothing changes, it is a short note. This week something big changed, so I want to share a couple of things.

My friends at work know that I watch a lot of trash TV. No

body knows the happenings of the ladies of Beverly Hills or Orange County better than I do. At the end of the day, Liz and I are winding down and I watch what she watches. Yes, I do get hooked. So recently she started watching Oprah new interview formats. I stayed awake through George Lucas and some of Steven Tyler, but the other night she watched Tony Robbins, the motivational speaker.

I started watching thinking the guy would be full of shit. Some dude who figured out the right things to say to get people to pay him money to talk. Then I started hearing him and maybe I just got sucked in, but it made sense. At this point, I only remember a couple of key points, but he did talk about how we all have a story. It is a story about our lives we tell ourselves that either holds us back or pushes us forward.

It is documented in this blog, that I am stuck on the story of how people picking on me made me fat. The story of me believing what people said that guided me to over eating. I am not saying that it is not true, but that story is OVER. I need a new story. I want my new story to be how I lost a butt load of weight and inspired other people to do the same.

That takes me to where I was over the last few weeks. I was stuck right above 230. I would do great during the week, but the weekend would come and I just forgot about doing the right thing. I am not lying when I say I kept thinking to myself, I can't break the barrier. I mad

e myself believe it was some problem my body had, but the only problem is my arm kept shoving food in my mouth.

Her is the other part of the Oprah interview I remember. Apparently at the end of his workshops, Tony Robbins makes people walk on fire (hot coals). Now I don't think he has some sweet deals with podiatry clinics everywhere he goes...his rationale makes sense. We see something that scares us and immediately turn the other way. If you see hot coals, you get the F away. His goal is to inspire people to take on the challenge and know that you can do it.

So this past week, I Fire Walked. I stopped the old story, I faced the challenge and I did it. I broke a huge barrier for myself. I broke the 230 mark and it feels AWESOME! It feels awesome because it was easy once I allowed myself to think it was OK to push forward. What did I do:

1. absolutely no sodas

2. Lean Cuisine every day for lunch (except Friday)

3. BELIEVE!

To expand on #3, I remember what I wrote the first day. If I rely on myself all the time, I let myself down. If i know others rely on me, I work harder to not let people down. I sometimes think this blog is silly because it started for me motivating myself. I think who the hell cares if I got off my ass to lose weight. Then I remembered that somebody might read this and it could change their life like mine is changing. Reading this could change the story someone tells themselves (not even having to do with weight). Inspiration comes from places where you might not expected...I got it from watching Oprah.

I got out of 240...I got out of 230 and will NOT head back. My next milestone in 200. Ladies and Gentlemen, my new story is that I am changing my life and walking on fire.

233.6

Ladies and gentlemen, I am truly in shock. A couple weeks ago, I failed to enter a post because I felt like a true failure. I ran into my usual roadblock. I had been going down in weight then all of a sudden, BAM! Guests come in to town and bad decisions happen and I am back at 237. Shame sets in and I decide I need to make a difference. So I downloaded a calorie counter...myfitnesspal. what a difference. It didn't make me lose weight right away, but I sure did start to see the decisions I was making. Best of all, I noticed how my lunch decision has been a huge help. It has shown me how skewed my idea of a portion had become. I also realized just how uncomfortable I had been with my serving sized. My new lunch not only gets me the right size, helps me feel better, but helps me save money. Thanks FAY for waiting on me for the coupon. The weirdest point was where the program told me I was eating too few calories.

And things were going well, but then the true source of my weight problem. Emotional eating. A little less than a month ago, I saw the opportunity of a lifetime. A job opening came available ...a place I dreamed of working it since I went to a training course back in 2004. I couldn't let the opportunity pass so I applied. Not long after I got the call for an interview and quickly came the second interview, then came the call that I GOT THE JOB. Of to Chili's we go to celebrate and I down a bowl of chips. HOLY CRAP! I realize the error in my way and cool it down with the meal. Over the next few days I go through decision after decision and meal after meal, with the struggle of keeping it under control.

First come the emotional decisions of kids, family, friends, patients. Once this passes, the real stress of can I financially make this happen kicks in. Every inch of my being wants to say I will be there next week, but reality makes me see I will have to lose money on my house and be away from my family. My Tia Leo posts on Facebook (yes she is that cool) and I almost lose it! I talk to my cousin about Liz and the boys staying with them if we sell the house and she cries (we are very much alike). In my mind, I want to sink in to a big Chicken Fried Steak, but I resist and eat a kiwi instead. Instead of munching on Fritos and bean dip, I tackle the yard with waist high weeds (that's a whole other issue).

So imagine my surprise this morning that after all of this, I am still down from my last post. It makes me believe that I can do this and you know what, I am starting to believe it! I can do what I set out to do. Imagine, a little kid from the barrio whose parents didn't go to college, whose dad cut grass and mom made tamales to make ends meet, now can have the job of a lifetime. If i can put the discipline from work into my eating, I will be at 180 way before 40.

Stick with me on this ride, it is starting to get interesting!

234.8

By my oversight, I did not enter anything last week. I will be honest and say part of it was frustration. I had a bad weekend and went back up in weight. I decided to really hit it hard this week and thank God, I was able to turn it around.

Nothing major to report other than i started using my fitness pal. What a difference and what a help. Nothing like knowing just how crappy your food really is! It was like an IN YOUR FACE to know just how many calories i took in with that extra taco.

I will keep going. According to the app, in 5 weeks i will be in the 220s. I don't think I have seen the 220s since I started working int he VA in 2004. I would just love to be able to use that huge stack of size 36 waist pants again.

Wish me luck!

236.6

Good morning. Here I am again and thankfully I have good news. I keep thinking the scale is broken but at the same time, same scale with same amount of clothes, it appears something is working.

I am not jumping up and down yet, because I have been down this path before and then get stuck on 230, but I will be happy and I will see this as a victory.

I learned several things this week from starting this electronic journey...

1. I have amazing friends. People that I see every day to people that I see once a year. Everyone willing to help me here. I want to thank my whole lunch crew for not ever judging me on what I eat for lunch, but considering my journey when making decisions. I hope I don't offend the others in the group, but I have to really thank Sarah. Thank you for not telling me what to eat and thank you for asking me what kind of support I want.

2. I have learned that I have no problem disappointing myself, but I hate to disappoint other people. Hilario, your message may be the point in time that changed my path. Knowing that people aren't just reading this to help me, but looking at this for some form of inspiration makes me know that I have to do this.

So how did I do this so far? I didn't start P90X or watch the Biggest Loser, didn't follow the latest diet and certainly didn't starve myself. Knowing I want to be at 180 in a little less than 2 years helps me know that this is not a sprint, but a marathon. I need to start slow, really slow.

I drew my inspiration from the show Hoarders Buried Alive. It is amazing to see what happens to these people. There always seem to be some horrible psychological problem that sets them off. Then they start holding on to things for some weird reason. Then more stuff is coming in than going out and viola, there house is a mess.

That is me. I just realized it is something in my mind that makes me take in more than goes out! I stop and think, I would eat everything that was on my plate. I would be at a point that I could not breath but I love the taste of food so much that I had to take another bite. I hated the thought that I would not be able to enjoy every last bite.

So this past week, I just lowered (by a tiny bit) how much comes in. I didn't give up all kinds of food, hell I still stopped at Whataburger one night. I still ate Liz's homemade cookies. But instead of going for the large, I stayed at the basic...instead of 8 cookies, I just ate two. Remember, it just need to make the small change for now. When we went to Carino's, I left half my food on my plate. No drastic changes that make me hate trying to lose weight, just little things that allow me to feel like its still me, just less packed in the house.

Then I exercised a little. I didn't run around the neighborhood, I didn't hit the gym, I just did Zumba twice for 30 min and did the elliptical twice for 30 min. Not P90X or Insanity, but enough to just move a few things out of the house.

Little by Little. I once heard that the journey of a thousand miles does not start with one step. It starts before you even take that first step. I've taken the first step with you guys, but I fell I have prepared myself best this time. A few things in the keep pile, a little more in the junk pile and we will have this house in order before too long!

Thank You!

So here we go. I hope you won't judge me if my grammar is off, I am just writing things down as they come to my head. I want to put this all down as a motivator for me to finally make this dream happen. I am putting this out there because I find that if I am the only one to know my struggle, I just keep it in and that makes it worse. So I turn to you...I put my path out there so that I can in some way I have to answer to you when I fall of the wagon.

So what is the issue? I AM FAT! How did i get here.

I can probably give you a sob story (and I will) but ultimately I did this to myself. As a kid, I ate tons of Mexican food. I couldn't help it, my mom was a good cook. I don't really remember being overweight as a kid, but I sure do remember kids telling me I was. Then came 8th grade, when something happen and I actually lost weight! That was short lived because as soon as I got to high school, Fat Churt was the term. I don't think this was done is a mean way, the way some bullying is done, but I think I let it get in my head. I believed I was fat.

College rolled around and there is where it really all went down hill. I found a picture of myself and I can't believe that I was actually not fat. But I kept believing that I was. Sophomore year was when I layer on the pounds. I didn't put on the freshman 15, but it felt like I did sophomore 60. Yes that is an exaggeration, but I did put on some pounds. Senior year was worse. With the stress of actually needing to finish college, food is the only thing that was always there for me. Not to mention my mom would always volunteer to bring home ice cream and french fries after BINGO.

There was no room for rest after that, grad school could not let undergraduate beat it. I kept ballooning, but at a slightly smaller pace. By the time I knew it, all the thinking that I was fat...had become true. I now was really overweight.

Those of you who know me, know the struggle with my parent's health. My dad had a stroke and my mom had breast cancer. How did I deal with this after school...food! To make a really long story short, before I knew it, I got to where I am know...240!

I think back to the one thing that started to make a difference...Jenny Craig. But can you believe I got kicked out! I have a problem with my balance and all the salt in their prepared meals was doing a number on me so I had to get out. In the three weeks I was on the program, I had lost 15 pounds, but out I went.

Talk about feeling like a loser.

I went to the doctor's office (new doctor) and we had a long talk about my weight. He was really nice and shared he struggled with the same problem. There was something he said that really made me decide I have to make a change.

"Do you want someone else to raise your children?"

I know the greatest gift I have is my kids. I need to be there for them. There came a point when I decided to stop blaming God for having lost my parents and I blamed the diseases that took them. I can't put my kids through the same. If I don't make a change, it is my own fault for not making the change. I would have done it to myself.

So here I am. I am putting my struggle out there. I am going to let anyone who cares know about my progress and I ask you to challenge me to stick with it.

My Goal: to be down to 180 by age 40

Let's get going!